Tears

Noun:

The drops of salty liquid that come out of your eyes when you are crying.

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There are many instances of tears as you go along The Cancer journey.  On the day I got my diagnosis, and then after I’d had the biopsy of my lymph nodes and it was confirmed that I was Stage 3, and would be needing chemo, surgery and radiotherapy,

Justin and I left the hospital and drove to a pub near to where we live and just cried and cried.  Luckily we don’t usually go to that pub, and it will now for ever be known to us as “The Crying Pub”.  And I’m a proper ugly crier.  Goodness knows what the bar staff thought.

I don’t care who you are, or how strong and bloody positive you are, a Cancer diagnosis is always unwelcome, shocking and scary.

So let the tears come when you need them to.  Poke anyone in the eye who tells you to be strong.  It’s OK to not feel strong, and to want to crawl under a stone, put your fingers in your ears and pretend none of it is happening.

The next most tearful bit is telling your friends and family.  Especially your kids.  There is just no easy way of telling your teenage children that you have an illness that will potentially make them motherless.

BUT, after the initial shock, and the upset of having to tell everyone, the tears do slow down.  It’s amazing how quickly you can adjust to your new normal.  Then, once you are on the treatment treadmill, and you know what is going to happen next, and how you will feel after each cycle of chemo, the tears come less and less.

The next lot of tears will hopefully be tears of gratitude, relief and happiness, once the whole ordeal is over with!

There have been a couple of occasions where friends have had cancer scares, where tears have unexpectedly appeared, when it’s turned out they are OK. 

I went with one friend who had been having treatment for skin cancer.  During the appointment, I hadn’t realised I was holding my breath, waiting to hear if the cancer had spread, or was still stage 1.  She still had skin cancer, and it still had to be cut out, but the relief that she wouldn’t have to have chemo or any kind of ongoing treatment, knowing how tough it can be, sent me over the edge.  Was blubbing like a flippin baby!

Let the tears come when they need to come.  But make sure you invest in a waterproof mascara and some sturdy pocket tissues.  Otherwise things could get messy.