Noun: Emotion Plural noun: emotions

• A strong feeling deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.

• Instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.

 

The term ‘Emotional Roller-coaster’ really is an appropriate description of what you and your family will go through before, during and after treatment.  In the beginning everything is so daunting and there will be nothing precedent in your personal experiences to help you deal with what is coming.  Even if you have nursed a loved one through a similar experience, every journey is different, and when it is happening to you it is totally different from when it is happening to someone else.

 

In many ways, it will be harder for the people around you to deal with than for you yourself.  You have no choice in what is happening to you, so there is a degree of acceptance.  You are experiencing it and looking out, but others are looking on; seeing you change physically, unable to take away the side effects of chemo and struggling with feelings of helplessness.

 

There is no text book answer on how to deal with the emotional roller-coaster.  For me, I found that if I tried to always look and sound as ‘normal’ as possible, then my children, husband and people I saw on a regular basis treated me the same as always.  Every day, no matter how bad I might have felt, I got up, showered, put my face and hair on and made an appearance.  On bad days that is sometimes all I achieved all day!  But for me, if my nearest and dearest saw me up and about, their anxiety and emotions were settled, and I only had to deal with my own issues.

 

Everyone deals with issues in different ways.  Some like to talk it out.  Some like to bury their heads and pretend it’s not happening.  Some need to know what is going to happen to them in a week, a month, a year; while others just want to take a day at a time.  The important thing is to try to work out what works best for you.  There will always be a support group, nurse, family member, friend or acquaintance from the pub, who will rise up and be there for you. 

 

On my personal journey I had complete tunnel vision.  Just go from appointment to appointment.  Get through the next dose/scan/procedure…  I couldn’t deal with the big picture, or contemplate the possible outcomes.  I didn’t see the point.  Of course I had doubts and times when I thought about the ‘What if it doesn’t work?  What if it’s spread?’ but for me these thoughts weren’t helpful so I pushed them to the back of my mind.

 

Of course as well as having The Cancer, the treatment you receive may force your body into menopause.  At 48 and after having 3 children I thought at first this was a bit of a Brucie Bonus.  After 36 years of periods and having contributed to the next generation, I thought my reproductive capabilities surplus to requirements, at least I could get all that out of the way.  However, menopause has its own hidden gems. 

 

Even without cancer treatment it can turn you into Hannibal Lecter.  Never mind the physical effects (hot flushes, weight gain, vaginal dryness…) you will find yourself crying at greetings cards, biting the kids heads off for leaving a dirty glass in their bedroom, or having a minor breakdown in Tesco because you just can’t decide to buy rice or noodles for dinner this evening.  It’s a bloody minefield, I’m telling you.

 

Try to be kind to yourself.  Give yourself a break.  Allow yourself to eat that family sized tub of Celebrations, or lock yourself in your room with the entire box-set of Friends.  Eventually the roller-coaster will slow down and you will be able to ride it without feeling like you are going to be sick the whole time.