Noun: anxiety; plural noun: anxieties

 

A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

 

This little fella, as much as you try to brush him off, will sit on your shoulder 24/7.  Although having The Cancer takes over your life, it is still only part of your life.  As the advert says, ‘Life with cancer is still life’.  And it is true.  You will still go to Tesco, walk the dogs, cook dinner and shout at the kids.  Many people still go to work during their treatment.  Life does go on.

 

Some days during chemo you will feel like you are trying to wake up from a general anaesthetic, and speech will be a struggle, let alone thinking about putting a Sunday roast together.  But on other days, you’ll feel OK.  Almost normal.  And it’s great.  You’ll think ‘Fuck it!  Let’s have a long weekend in Whitby’  You’ll be having your fish and chips, looking up at the old Abbey, enjoying the sea air and the feeling the sun on your face, and all of a sudden that bastard Anxiety will go ‘this might be the last time you’ll ever do this’  Why can’t Anxiety just fuck off?

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You will have lots of tests and needles and things that you, previous to having The Cancer would dread; but you do get quite blaze it all, and very used to having to endure things that are not at all pleasant.  But, again, every now and then, Anxiety pops his head up and says ‘this week, the chemo is going to miss your vein and it’s going to burn your insides.  BURN THEM!’  Thanks for warning me Anxiety.  I was just about to tuck into my tuna wrap but all of a sudden I feel like I’m going to be sick.

 

There is honestly so much to be anxious about.  It’s not just the physical and emotional turmoil you are in.  There are all the horrible procedures and waiting for results.  Anxiety of the unknown, the fear of pain.  The fear of not being there for your children.  Will you lose your job? Worry about how you’ll pay the mortgage, or whether your family will cope if you are gone.  And what if you have a horrible shaped head and will look like Sloth from the Goonies when your hair all falls out?

 

You just have to remember that it will all be OK, and all the anxiety will all go away as long as you stay strong and positive!  (Please read the last sentence with the appropriate level of sarcasm).