Noun: dead man walking (plural dead men walking)

A condemned prisoner walking to a death chamber or other place of execution.

Someone who is soon to die.

Someone who is about to face an unavoidable loss (though the person may not realize it). When used in this way it is a metaphor comparing this loss to dying.

 

Telling people you have The Cancer is not an easy thing to do.  You will not fully have come to terms with it yourself, and as soon as you start to share with others you have to accept that they will have a reaction and feelings about it.  You almost have to become the consoler as you have had several days/weeks to get used to the idea and you have received and digested a level of information about what is happening to you.  But when you tell others, the information is new, and you will see a whole rainbow of responses. 

 

Some people will cry.  You always get a few criers.  It is a bizarre situation to be giving someone a hug telling them that everything will be OK, when it is you who has

The Cancer (and actually you have no idea if everything is going to be OK).  You might even find yourself apologizing because you have told them something so upsetting. 

You’ll get the ones who will have a friend/auntie/cousin/nan/mum who has been through it, and will try to give you all sorts of advice (some useful and thoughtful; some not so much.)

 

You will get the truth-tellers (my favourite kind of response) who will say something like “Oh my fucking god!  That is absolutely shit!  Here have some wine and talk me through what is going to happen next and what you need me to do’.  These are the people you will find yourself drawn to and who will enjoy your good days with you, help you smile on your bad days, and on your really low days will get down on the floor with you and help you wallow.

 

And then you get the group of people I found hardest to deal with, and this is the group who will give you what I have affectionately termed as “The Dead Man Walking Look”.  The “look” is usually wide sad eyes, eyebrows raised in the middle, giving a look of concern.  The head will usually be tilted to the side and this will often be accompanied by a gentle arm rub.  The Dead Man Walking type will not know how to talk to you or what to say.  You may find that they give you a quick hug, and then completely avoid your company (which you may not think at the time, but this is actually a bonus) until well after all treatment is finished, and it is safe to assume you won’t be walking around all Cancery, with a good possibility that you may drop dead any minute.

 

In the beginning the Dead Man Walking gang got right on my tits.  But as time goes on, you realize that these are largely just very fortunate people who have never had to deal with any kind of crisis or loss, and simply don’t know what to do with the information that you have a serious, potentially life threatening illness.  This group of people are most likely to tell you to stay strong and positive.  Resist the temptation to poke them in the eye with a kebab skewer and just remember a time when you were innocent, before anything shit had happened to you.